I realize that bariatric surgery is a drastic measure, and there is no guarantee that it will work. But my decision to have weight loss surgery has been a long time in the making. I want to take you along my journey as I have gastric bypass, in the hopes that it might help someone. And while I realize that WLS isn’t for everyone, I’m hoping it helps me with my lifelong struggle of losing weight.

Here are some of the things that have been running through my mind as I made this decision. I can lose weight, I’ve done it before right? Will I be able to keep the weight off permanently? Why am I so out of control with my eating? Why am I binge eating more now than ever? If I can just exercise more this weight will come off. I need to be a stronger person and I can get control of my eating habits. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just accept the person that I am now? If I want to lose weight bad enough I will. How much longer do I have to live? How much longer can I live like this? My chest hurts, oh my god, am I having a heart attack? This medication isn’t helping with the pain, am I going to hurt this bad forever? I think this bed will be my coffin. If this room and this bed are the sum total of what I have to live with for the next 20 years, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to do it. I want to have energy. I want to feel better. I want to live again instead of just simply exist.

If you or someone you know lives with any of these dark thoughts, please seek professional help. A licensed Therapist or Psychiatrist are equipped to help in these kinds of situation. Don’t suffer with this, there is help for all of us.

Thank you for so understanding, and please keep the comments respectful, even if you don’t agree with what I’m saying. Thank you, and I love you all. Mrs. M

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#weightlosssurgery #bariatricsurgery #chronicpain


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Comments (41)

  • Abells Ann Reply

    Let me start by saying you are a beautiful person inside and out. I hear you and my heart is aching for you. Best of luck with your surgery, Iโ€™ll be praying for you. Iโ€™m not sure if you had it yet, please let us know when and how you are feeling! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’š

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • CS Richardson Reply

    You are a lovely person inside and out! I started watching you a few days ago when I needed a tutorial on face shaoing with makeup to make my old fat face look a bit less fat! I am 72 so I am living proof you are never too old to learn something new!

    I am about 100# overweight. I have, like you, lost weight and gained it back over and over. The hell of it is that most of the time I eat because I get a craving for a particular food .. NOT because I am actually hungry! I love carbs! For you it's sugar .. for me it's carbs (potatoes, pasta, mayo, butter ..etc.)

    Melissa, do whatever you need to do to get rid of your pain.. emotional and physical. Maybe at some point consider acupuncture. It does help. And don fear hip replacement surgery! I had both my hips replaced 20 years ago .. one week apart. The pain in recovery was nothing compared to the pain I had before the surgery. I needed a cane to walk and after walking only one block I was in tears from the pain!

    I can tell you are a warm and sensitive woman. I can also tell you are stronger than you know!

    You will be in my prayers as you go through this surgery. Please let us know how it goes, okay? You matter! You are a light in a gloomy world and we need your beautiful smile shared with us!

    With love!


    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Pam Hamilton Reply

    Melissa I FEEL what you are going through โ€ผ๏ธ Sweetie HAVE the surgery โ€ผ๏ธ YOU DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR LIFEโ€ผ๏ธ I have had fibro since 1993 & now have arthritis etc. I truly care about YOU & want the BEST for YOU. Jesus will help you through ALL of this โ™ฅ๏ธ please let us hear from you when you can.You are a beautiful, strong, loving person.YOU DESERVE THE BESTโ€ผ๏ธ

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • lee cowen Reply

    On i don't know how I missed this but I just watched it. I balled right along with you. I've had 8 back surgeries, one shoulder replacement with one to go, and several others I won't mention. I'm in CONSTANT pain. I can barely walk. Get the therapy first and foremost, have the surgery. Do it for you. I could say more but I will just say I feel you and will pray for you.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Jamie GM Reply

    Melissa, my heart aches for you <3 <3 <3 You just spoke for me !!!! Im in the same boat , give or take God Bless , luv you mama

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • LindasLIfe After50 Reply

    Please take us with you on this journey…I need to do something too but just don't know what to do! What worked when I was young no longer works and I get overwhelmed by it all.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Belinda Klar Reply

    Best of luck on surgery and I wish you the best, praying ๐Ÿ™ for you๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฅณ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Susan Sheppard Reply

    I feel so bad for you what your discribing is my life.fibromaylgia is beating me down day after day year after year.My weight is coming off but it's hard to get to my goal as exercise is difficult with a chronic illness.You will get through the surgery and feel better ,sending you strength,hugs and prayers ๐Ÿ’œ

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Musicheals 71 Reply

    I commend you for your courage and honesty! I can relate to so much of what you are going through. You take good care of yourself! โค๏ธ

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Lisa Greig Reply

    As you know I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and fibromyalgia and U.colitis…Well I also love sugar ๐Ÿ˜”..But sugar hates me..It's truly poison for my body …Sugar as you know brings on inflammation…The Crps is in all organs now…And for a couple years I couldn't eat the pain was so bad ( like you said you have to eat) so I would eat every three days …I found after this terrible pain turmeric helped..Then I could eat normally again..Well it happens again a couple years later ( could not eat pain was so bad ) this went on for a year and a half) then I found Black seed oil .( this saved my life ) It's so hard struggling with illness a person just wants some kind of peace….I hope this surgery gives you peace ….Take Care ๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ’•๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Cheryl Lovin Reply

    You are lovely as you are but do water you need for peace. God Bless!

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Oturtlegirl51 Reply

    Wow, very, very brave of you, Melissa. The sisterhood gives you a gigantic HUG!! My heart goes out to you for your courage and pain.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Melanie gorniak Reply

    I completely understand, Iโ€™ve told you things about myself. Sending you all my love and support. Plz ev1 in the comments do not be a troll. If u have nothing nice or supportive to say , then plz say nothing.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Melanie gorniak Reply

    Watching this again, just so I could give you more support. Do whatever is going to make you happy.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Mary Christopherson Reply

    Wanted to comment even though its late. Loved this video. I have been up and down too with my weight. Did awesome last year. Now gaining again taking care of my mom. Do what is best for you. We support you. Much love!!

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Melle L Reply

    Hi! I'm a new sub who found you through make-up and stayed for your realness. Your video has helped me more than you know. You're a beautiful woman, and I can tell that you have a pure heart. Although my weakness/addiction is buying lipstick, I can completely understand the sugar/food addiction. An addiction is an addiction, after all. Mrs. M, you do whatever you feel you need to do for your own well-being. I wish you only the very best, and I am certain that you will come out on top.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Ellen Swatzell Reply

    Wishing you the absolute best during your journey. I know how hard this is and you have to do what is right for you. Praying for you!

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Kathie Hanlon Reply

    Listen..We are your family too & you must do what you need to to be healthy and happy! Everything you've said really resonates with me only I'm 63. Depression makes it all worse. I just started those & right now I'm all over the place. We'll help you thru it! Love you too Sis โค๐Ÿ˜˜ Ps. We're not just here for the make-up. We're here to spend time with you!!

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Sophia Papadopoulos Reply

    I support you in your decisions, you know whatโ€™s best for you. I can relate to almost everything you said in this video. I wish you all the best, and I am so happy for you. You are doing what is best for you and we support you all the way โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Krista Leonard Reply

    Do it! Do it for you. Feeling healthy is great and if makes you feel good about you then TOTAL YAYNESS!! Much love and prayers โ™ฅ๏ธ

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • SubRosa33 Reply

    People don't understand the concept of invisible illnesses.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Christine Richards Reply

    This is the first video of yours I have watched and I did so because the title. I too am having weight issues . I have almost doubled my weight since high school. I know that was a long time ago,but I never thought I would get this big. I did smoke but I quit 13 years ago. The weight was starting to pile on even before that. I have many health issues so working out is a problem. I have issues with my back.legs. COPD, heart problems, 3 years ago I was in the hospital a cyst in my colon burst I and I got sepsis, 2 months later I had colon resection surgery and 2 months after that I had a stroke (that just was not my year) I got to the hospital in time for this medicine they have to work and I had a complete recovery an hour after having the medicine the Drs. and nurses were so surprised as was I. That was the only thing that went well for me that year. Sorry I just got on a roll and felt like I had to say every thing. I will say a prayer for you and good wishes that you recover soon and everything will go well for you. Please let us know how you are doing. You are a brave lady to share your story with us, and let us know we are not alone in this situation. Thank you. Chris

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • d p Reply

    God bless you on this journey, Melissa. xoPatti in Maine

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Melanie gorniak Reply

    Any addiction can kill us, and it can kill ppl going through withdrawals, the difference with an actual drug is that the way it builds in the body is that without IT CAN KILL the addict in withdrawal. I have immediate family members that got clean . Iโ€™m so overweight myself by 60 lbs, I also have severe degradation of my bones they are just turning to dust I have more hardware in me than my FING table. Mel Iโ€™m going to be your cheerleader in this, you ever need a friend Iโ€™m so here for you please know this is from my heart. Iโ€™ve said in other comments,how much we have in common. Plz do you donโ€™t let others take space in your head, they ainโ€™t paying you rent kick those nasty thoughts out. A therapist I think is great. Xoxo

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Melanie gorniak Reply

    Iโ€™m crying with you, itโ€™s hard so hard when we canโ€™t move.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Melanie gorniak Reply

    Us chronic illness ppl, canโ€™t forget the difference between weight and, puffing up from swelling and water. But you do you honey if you want it you get it. Just remember nothing will make you happy but you. But I will support you in your choices. Xoxo

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Marie Trini77 Reply

    Hi my love. I have struggled all my life to and in 2013 I had gastric sleeve surgery and went from 405 to 270. I feel great but I am trying to loose more weight. It is hard but must admit that the surgery was the push I needed. I was scared and was saying oh I could do this on my own but I couldnโ€™t. I donโ€™t regret my decision. I walk more and my diabetes left, thank God. Donโ€™t listen to the negative comments Melissa. Do it just for you. Love you and may the Lord guide your steps.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Rita Hall Reply

    Well goodness I hate seeing you upset. I wish I could wipe all your pain away both mentally and physically. I totally understand everything you said and why you want to take this step. I will be praying for you and you got this Melissa! Love you! Oh and you are gorgeous! How can anybody not see that?

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Desiree C. Reply

    My life in your words..prayers and love. I chose to do Keto and intermittent fasting and it worked, the weight fell off..until I decided to eat a chocolate chip cookie, just one. Hello, my name is Desiree and i am a sugar addict. Best of luck and love to you Melissa.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • cracker51444 Reply

    You do what you need to do. No one but you has to be okay with your decisions. Sending only the best your way, you can do this and you will be great!

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Jeanne Ford Reply

    This is such a raw and real video, Melissa. I hate watching the pain you are going through. You are so brave to do this publicly and I am really rooting for you!!

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Cathy Kramer Reply

    Melissa,ย  I can relate on so many levels.ย I do believe, at this point in your life, you need to do whatever is best for you!ย  I can't speak for all your subscribers,ย  but I will be your support buddy wherever you need one!ย  I am fairly new to your channel butย this video connected with me so much.ย  You go for it; and I will be praying for a safe surgery and recovery.ย  ย ย Cathy

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Millie Lawrence Reply

    You have so many other physical issues on your plate that you are spinning the wheel round and round. Also, you have no real control over those other issues, but you have control over your external body. Your Bypass surgery will not only help you lose weight, but it is your responsibility to follow the regiment required to keep you slim. That gives you control again. You will physically see the changes when you stand in front of the mirror. You have control and the positive changes that you are going to see are YOU. Eventually, you will see in yourself what others have seen all along. You are a beautiful woman.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Sheli Keyes Reply

    Btw…support you ๐Ÿ’ฏ

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Sheli Keyes Reply


    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Sheli Keyes Reply

    So much in common! I soooo wish I could afford to do it. Need to have a knee replaced -osteoarthritis-and have FMS as well as RA. They won't do it until I loose 50 lbs!

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Sandra Rivera Reply

    you have all our sun! I so understand the love of food. It helps our feelings. God bless and you will do great! My oldest son had the surgery and loss 150 lbs. He does Marathons now he is so healthy and happy. He is 46 years old. You need to love yourself more then anyone well god should be first then you! I have anxiety depression and trigeminal neuralgia which all go hand in hand. Stress really stirs up trigeminal neuralgia. You are so beautiful now canโ€™t imagine after surgery. You will be ok! ๐Ÿ’•

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Theresa Glaser Reply

    Hey Melissa!! Iโ€™m so sorry you are going thru this!! You do what you have to do for you!! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™ God Bless You!!!

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Rhonda Crenshaw Reply

    Good luck with everything. It is a matter of health , so do what is best for you.

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Cindy P Reply

    Aww… my Darling I feel your pain!! And I'm here for you. I totally get it… I'm at my witts end as well, I've been on 15 carbs a day No sugar for a month (after dieting for 2 yrs now) and haven't lost 1 pound!! How is that humanly possible?? I have Hashimoto's so it could be that but it's just too much with chronic pain on top of menopause, blah, blah… I can't imagine having people around me all the time, I get mad at my cats!! But what I really want to say is I'm glad you've found something you can do about it and a way to pay for it but still try to get insurance to pay, often they will and with your condition, it could be medically necessary. You're a beautiful, strong and capable woman and if this brings you to the best version of yourself then DO it! It's your life to create the way what you want it to be! Much Love!! ps…You can always stay with me to recover. xo

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am
  • Cheryl Mills Reply

    I totally understand. I'm at my highest weight ever and, that in it's self, is so depressing. I've had lap band surgery in 2012 but after it slipping 3 times, I had it removed. I have back problems and now my knees are starting to hurt more often than not. I know I've got to do something but when everything hurts, it's hard to get out and walk, etc.
    My 11 yo granddaughter lives with me and I know I've got to do something or I won't be able to get around when she graduates.
    I think you're wonderful and I'm so happy that you'll be getting counseling. that will help too.
    Much love from Dallas, TX

    June 12, 2019 at 9:44 am

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